Editing Sample:
“A Baby is Born”
Original Sample
This sample is from a longer piece posted in search of a line editor. (The author wasn’t credited there, so I don’t know who wrote it.) Upon request, I’d be happy to send the full copy of each iteration you’ll see on this page.
This is the sample as posted, before any of my edits.
Line Edit Sample
Here is the same passage with my tracked changes, plus a few of my comments that went with those changes.
Note that I didn’t try to alter the style or tone of the author; my goal is always to improve readability and raise the stakes. This piece had lots of passive voice that weakened it, and repetition that didn’t add to the plot or the mood. I wanted to cut that away so the story itself could better shine through.
With tracked changes, obviously, the author would have a chance to respond to each or simply to accept or reject each, but they’d see my notes on all of them.
“Finished” Sample
with “finished” in quotes because in reality this would be the finished sample after at least one conversation with the author about which changes they like and why, etc
Without being able to interact with the author, this was as much change as I felt comfortable making. There are still some things I would suggest in the longer original sample in order to tighten and polish the story further, but I am pleased with this version as a significant improvement over the original.
The story was there, and the mood too. It just needed a fresh pair of eyes—it especially needed someone who loves stories and authors, and wants the best for both. Always.
